Lonely, but not Alone

It’s funny how you can be surrounded by people 24/7 and still feel totally alone. Well, that’s how I’ve been feeling lately. Even though every day I’m performing for hundreds and teaching and interacting with children to adults, I still have these feelings. I miss my friends. I miss my family.  I want to see my young artists on stage. I need some t.l.c. Now don’t get me wrong, this experience is completely amazing and I know it’s a blessing that I’m experiencing it, but I can’t help the loneliness that I sometimes feel. With each passing day I carry on as if I don’t have family or I don’t have friends. I don’t hear from them and being honest, they don’t really hear from me. Leaving me with a feeling of being forgotten. I know this is incredibly over-dramatic, ridiculous and quite selfish, and I am trying to fight it. Hearing from best friendes recently (thank you Kate and Kiki) has helped, but as quickly as I was excited by their call, that feeling of being loved dissipated. This is the longest I have ever been away from home or my friends, and it’s starting to hit me how dependent I was on their energies. When I’m performing or working, I forget about these wantings, but they are always waiting for me when I have a moment of stillness or down-time. I don’t know what can remedy this feeling. Maybe a short visit home? But I go home every night…then wake up feeling just as lonely as the day before. Every night, when I close my eyes, I find myself at home. Every time it is so vivid, it really feels like I’m there, with last night’s dream being one of the most real. It was nothing spectacular, just me talking to my mom, visiting Mosaic, at the dance studio, going out with friends…it truly felt like home. I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t want to leave. But my visit was over and with a yearning heart, I had to get up and start a new day. I can only hope that you are thinking of me, because with every moment I am thinking of you. I love you and miss you terribly. See you tonight.

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